he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
