My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
