My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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