what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
porn star boner night. come get it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
