life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
