You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
