HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
