Pappa wants mamma naked
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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