drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
