I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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