I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize