nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
