It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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