The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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