oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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