I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
3 2 1 whiskey
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
