haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
