You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
