I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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