I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
