yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
