O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
