apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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