Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
