You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
