She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
