There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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