nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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