insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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