Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize