I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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