Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
