So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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