It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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