Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she peed on how many people?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
