oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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