Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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