Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
