look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
