Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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