as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
