Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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