so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Green mimosas i think yes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
