Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
