Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I could make wine with my vomit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
