Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize