Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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