he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
