Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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