Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
