guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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