Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
