In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
