So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
