i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
