I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As shirtless as possible
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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