I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize