Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
